Crisscross
by Pencilwalla
Summary: AU. KK. A chance glitch, where emails are crossed like telephone lines.
1. Chapter 1

_Crisscross_

_Part I_

**From: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: weasellyweaselgirl5(atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Tuesday 10/7/08 3:13 pm EST **

**Subject: No More**

I never, ever, EVER want to know those details of your life again. Never. I don't care what you and your latest victim do. I love you, Misao, but are you familiar with the phrase "TMI"? Because you embody it.

Kaoru

**From: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom) **

**To: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Wednesday 10/8/08 5:55 am EST**

**Subject: Re: No More**

Who are you, what are you talking about, and how did you get my email address?

_-bokkenprincess44 wrote on 10/7/08 3:13 pm EST:_

I never, ever, EVER want to know those details of your life again. Never. I don't care what you and your latest victim do. I love you, Misao, but are you familiar with the phrase "TMI"? Because you embody it.

Kaoru

**From: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Wednesday 10/8/08 4:02 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: Re: No More**

...uh, what?

I send an email to a friend and a stranger emails me back. There must be some kind of technological mix-up here; I don't know you, and I definitely didn't email you. Sorry for the confusion. Hopefully it won't happen again.

Kaoru

**From: weasellyweaselgirl5(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Thursday 10/16/08 4:57 am EST**

**Subject: Finally!**

I met this guy at work today, and he'd be perfect for you! I just know you two would hit it off! I got him talking about dating, and he said he's looking for someone, so I gave him your number and told him to call you for a date. When he does, CALL ME so we can go shopping and stuff!

Misao

**From: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom) **

**To: weasellyweaselgirl5(atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Thursday 10/16/08 9:15 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: Finally**

No. This guy called me. I turned him down. He tried again. I rejected him. He freaked and called me some less-than-pleasant names. I hope you are happy. Stop setting me up; it annoys me. And you say my temper is bad? The guy couldn't even handle a simple "no"! Are we still going out on Friday?

Kaoru

P.S. Call me!

**From: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom) **

**To: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Friday 10/17/08 6: 27 pm EST**

**Subject: It happened again.**

Unfortunately, it seems whatever happened last time repeats itself. Being set up by friends is in general a bad idea, since if you and your friends are opposites, your taste in dates is also opposite. I hope you called him less-than-pleasant names in return. Is your temper bad? It doesn't come across as so via email.

By the way, my name is Kenshin.

**From: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Saturday 10/18/08 11:44 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: It happened again.**

Misao and I went out last night. I agree with your comment on being set up by friends- she tried it repeatedly last night. After knocking unconscious two of them and breaking several's wandering fingers, she gave up. You can make your own opinions on my temper. Also, I called the people in charge of email errors, and they say that they can't fix the problem. I'll have to be more careful about what I put in an email.

You are a guy, right?

Kaoru

**From: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom) **

**To: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Sunday 10/19/08 5:11 pm EST**

**Subject: None**

We're stuck with each other, than? It could be worse. Yes, I am a man, and presumably you are a girl. I could be wrong, so confirm that for me, please. Your temper is bad. I feel sorry for your friends, but not for the people she sets you up with- they should know better, and if they don't, they deserve what they get. Stupid people irritate me.

Kenshin

**From: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: weasellyweaselgirl5(atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Monday 10/20/08 6:09 am EST**

**Subject: Email is strange.**

I don't think I've mentioned this to you before, but there's some kind of glitch in my email, and everything I send to you (I don't haven't emailed anyone else in months so once I do we'll see if it only affects other people's messages) also gets sent to this guy named Kenshin. I don't know him personally, and I am not giving you his email address so you can make evil plots against me, but he seems okay. Not like a stalker or anything.

So be careful what you email me about! And Kenshin, I am a girl. So is Misao.

Kaoru

**From: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom) **

**To: bokkenprincess44(atamrkodotcom) **

**Date: Monday 10/20/08 3:57 pm EST**

**Subject: Stalker.**

I'm glad to hear I am not a stalker. Also glad to hear you think I am "okay". Evil plots? What kind of evil plots would your friend involve me in? Both of you, as I had guessed are women. That makes me glad that you're taking care in what you write- some things just shouldn't be known to the opposite sex. Are you full-blooded Japanese?

Kenshin

**From: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Monday 10/20/08 4:26 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: Email is strange. **

When you fall madly in love and need my help, see if I help you!

Misao

**From: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: weasellyweaselgirl5(atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Tuesday 10/21/08 5:38 pm EST**

**Subject: Right.**

What are the odds of that happening? Fall in love? You are crazy. What are our plans for Halloween?

Kaoru

**From: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666 **

**Date: Tuesday 10/21/08 5:42 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: Stalker.**

As a matter of fact, yes, I am full-blooded Japanese. I speak the language, I used to spend my summers there, I have family, my parent immigrated as children together...you get the picture. I guess you could tell if you looked at me...what about you? Do you look Japanese? Are you Japanese? Why is your email address "stupid pupil"?

Kaoru

**From: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom) **

**To: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Wednesday 10/22/08 7:21 am EST**

**Subject: Hit a nerve.**

Yes, I am full-blooded Japanese. As in, everyone was born and raised in Japan, with no foreign blood entering the family. They all had brown eyes and dark hair. No one who sees me believes me on this, because I don't look even the tiniest bit Asian. As in red hair and oddly colored eyes. If I go anyone, ninety percent of the conversations people start with me will be, "Is your hair real?" Then, when I tell them my name, "Are you really Asian?" You can see why this might be annoying.

At least, since you can't see me, you can't question my heritage.

Kenshin

_Four Months Later_

**From: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Sunday 2/8/09 8:30 am EST**

**Subject: Has it been this long already?**

I looked at the calendar and realized we've been emailing each other for four whole months. Wow. We need to move forward! Or at least start instant messaging each other. This long email thing is getting to be more like therapy than meaningful conversation.

Anyway, Valentine's is coming up (shudder) so Misao is a) trying to snag her man and b) trying to snag me a man, or convince me to snag someone, or whatever. Ugh. The fox-doctor is going out with her rooster-head boyfriend. Things are quite good, really, except for the fact Misao won't let well alone. Or let me dress in all black on Valentine's day. On the bright side- and don't tell, Misao doesn't know yet- but I have to be in Cornville that day anyways. For work and stuff. So no one can set me up! Muahahaha! I get to escape my EVIL boss, my annoying little brother, and just relax all day. The job stuff lasts an hour in the morning, but I plan to spend the whole day enjoying Cornville's...corn.

What about you? What are your plans for the day of love? Girlfriend? Boyfriend? Alone with ice cream/beer? You never talk about yourself in detail, so I have no idea. Also, I've been meaning to ask: did you lose that bet and cut your hair? Is it all short now? I'm still waiting on a picture; I feel weird spilling all this to a faceless stranger.

Kaoru

**From: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom) **

**To: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Sunday 2/8/09 9:45 pm EST**

**Subject: Yes, it has.**

IM? I don't have IM. Nothing wrong with therapy every now and again. Cornville is as boring as can be- you'd be better off with Misao. At least it would be entertaining. And there is no corn in Cornville- go figure. The soil is over-farmed to the point of no return. What's wrong with your boss?

I plan to spend Valentine's Day alone, in my office, catching up on work without the new recruits around to bother me. If I get tired of that, I'll go home and polish my swords...or something. My friends all have significant others or are being kidnapped by people who think they are their significant others. I haven't been photographed for the last three years, so I haven't got a picture. I won the bet- he does spend time arranging those bangs in front of his face for maximum intimidation.

Below is one of those chain letter questionnaires. I filled it out and thought you might enjoy it. Send it back.

1. What is your occupation? Not sure.

2. What color are your socks right now? Black.

3. What are you listening to right now? The sound of cars passing by on the street.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? Leftover stir-fry.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? They were taller than me.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Depends on how much money he owes me at the time.

8. How old are you today? Can't remember.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch? I don't watch sports.

10. What is your favorite drink? Water.

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Despite what people tell you, no.

12. Favorite food? Don't have one.

13. What was the last movie you watched? ...never watch movies with your less-than-respectable friends.

14. Favorite day of the year? None.

15. How do you vent anger? Fear.

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? A top.

17. What is your favorite season? Summer.

18. Hugs or Kisses? Neither.

19. Cherries or Blueberries? Blueberries.

20. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Yes.

21. Who is the most likely to respond? I sent this to one person.

22. Who is least likely to respond? I sent this to one person.

23. Living arrangements? Residential.

24. When was the last time you cried? Three weeks, two months, and one day ago.

25. What is on the floor of your closet? Nothing.

26. Who is the friend you have had the longest you are sending this to? I sent this to one person.

27. What did you do last night? Work. Sleep. Work. Eat. Work.

28. Favorite smells? White plum. Water.

29. What inspires you? Nothing.

30. What are you most afraid of? Forgetting.

31. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Cheese.

32. Favorite dog breed? None.

33. Favorite day of the week? I work all week, so the days blend into each other.

34. How many states have you lived in? Depends on your definition of live.

**From: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: weasellyweaselgirl5(atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Sunday 2/15/09 11:06 pm EST**

**Subject: Worst Valentine's Day ever!**

God. God. God, yesterday sucked horribly.

Started with having to travel with my BOSS and his BROTHER to Cornville. We "accidentally" all ended in one hotel room. With one bed. Do you see where this is going? Then I spent two hours in boring meetings with both of them trying to grab my legs under the table. They failed, but it wasn't for lack of trying, let me tell you. I thought once I escaped for lunch, it would be okay, but I had an allergic reaction to a pesticide and my tongue swelled up. I almost died. I couldn't talk for hours. I was trapped with my boss and his brother in that hotel room, mute, while they hit on me and took my silence as encouragement. Finally I hid in the laundry room and then girl's restroom until morning, when I snuck a shower, changed, and packed, took an early flight home. (I also arranged for both of the idiots to go home economy while I went first class.) Finally, I get home, it's late. My luggage? Yeah, I get it back tomorrow. Thankfully I don't have to see the boss or his brother for another few months. God. God, everything sucks right now, I need sugar.

Kenshin, your answers were cryptic and made me hateful and angry. Just what I need right now, eh? If you're such a workaholic, how come you have time to email me? And take a picture if you haven't got one, dammit! You have swords- do you collect or can you use them? What kind of swords? Write back so I can vent some more!

Misao, I need ice cream very badly. Can I borrow your chocolate chip? See you on Tuesday- the fox is having a dinner party.

Kenshin

1. What is your occupation? I...I do stuff. Sorry, Kenshin, but you are a stranger...

2. What color are your socks right now? White, with kitten on them.

3. What are you listening to right now? The sound of my head pounding.

4. What was the last thing that you ate? TV dinner.

5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes.

6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? I called in takeout on the fourteenth.

7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Yes.

8. How old are you today? See answer to 1.

9. What is your favorite sport to watch? I don't watch sports, either.

10. What is your favorite drink? Coffee. Misao, you cannot steal my coffee ever again. Okay?

11. Have you ever dyed your hair? No, and Misao dying it for me does not count.

12. Favorite food? ...too many to list here.

13. What was the last movie you watched? National Treasure.

14. Favorite day of the year? Birthday! Cake! Happiness!

15. How do you vent anger? I hit people, I scream, I hit more people...

16. What was your favorite toy as a child? My miniature wooden sword.

17. What is your favorite season? Summer, when it's nice and warm.

18. Hugs or Kisses? ...Cannot answer this question due to Misao's overactive imagination.

19. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries.

20. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Yes.

21. Who is the most likely to respond? Misao- she loves chain letters.

22. Who is least likely to respond? Kenshin because he sent it to me.

23. Living arrangements? I live alone.

24. When was the last time you cried? Don't remember.

25. What is on the floor of your closet? Everything and the kitchen sink.

26. Who is the friend you have had the longest you are sending this to? Misao.

27. What did you do last night? I hid in a restroom and a laundry room.

28. Favorite smells? Don't know. I wear jasmine perfume a lot.

29. What inspires you? Food.

30. What are you most afraid of? Bugs.

31. Plain, cheese or spicy hamburgers? Spicy.

32. Favorite dog breed? None.

33. Favorite day of the week? Friday! Woo-hoo!

34. How many states have you lived in? Three.


	2. Chapter 2

_Crisscross_

_Part II_

_Kaoru has entered the chat room._

_Misao has entered the chat room._

_Sano has entered the chat room._

_Megumi has entered the chat room._

Kaoru: Hi!

Misao: OHMYGOD! I love coffee! I really, really love it soooo much! Aoshi bought me some and it was sooooooo delicious and he HELD MY HAND!! It was the best date EVER!! OMG!!

Megumi: When did you get the coffee?

Misao: A whole fifteen minutes have passed since I glimpsed Aoshi's handsome visage!

Sano: Weasel, him buying you coffee because you're drooling at the window displays doesn't count as a date.

Misao: I WAS NOT!! HE LOVES ME ON THE INSIDE!! sob

Kaoru: ...okay then. Moving on. I've been invited/coerced to my cousin's wedding.

Megumi: Which cousin?

Kaoru: The one who told me to bring a guy worthy of her having an affair with.

Megumi: That cousin. Who are you taking?

Kaoru: Who am I going to take to a wedding? I'm showing up in dress pants, alone!

Sano: I could come.

Misao: And gape at her cousin's cleavage? I don't think Megumi would like that.

Megumi: You will stay home with me. Maybe we can go shopping, I need new shoes.

Sano: Take me with you, missy!

Kaoru: And spare you the pleasure of shoe-shopping? Nuh-uh.

Misao: How is Kenshin doing? You haven't mentioned how his Valentine's Day went. Maybe he has a secret girlfriend.

Megumi: Who is Kenshin?

Misao: Kaoru's online boyfriend/stalker.

Kaoru: He's the result of a freak accident! A freak accident, I tell you!

Sano: You have a boyfriend, missy?

Kaoru: No! Somehow all of my emails to Misao get sent to him so we started emailing! THAT"S ALL!

Misao: Chill-lax, Kao! Go with the flow!

Megumi: Stop experimenting with drugs, Misao. Please.

--

_Kaoru has entered the chat room._

_Kenshin has entered the chat room._

Kenshin: Hello.

Kaoru: Hi! It took forever to get away from Misao and her caffeine high...What's up? How was Valentine's Day?

Kenshin: I spent it at my wife's grave.

Kaoru: Oh, I'm so sorry.

Kenshin: It's been ten years. It doesn't hurt so much anymore.

Kaoru: So, how's work?

Kenshin: Painful. Very, very painful...and your answers to that chain letter were as cryptic as mine, you hypocrite. Aren't you too old to wear kitten-patterned socks?

Kaoru: Rapid change of subject, I see. You are never too old for cute socks. Plus I haven't done laundry in forever. I do not give personal information out to stalkers.

Kenshin: I am not a stalker.

Kaoru: But if you knew the truth, you might become one.

Kenshin: The truth? About what?

Kaoru: You will never know.

Kenshin: My secretary just called.

Kaoru: Why? Work problems? Or are you at work?

Kenshin: She's inviting me to her wedding.

Kaoru: So go. There will be food. One less meal to ruin.

Kenshin: But I've already made dinner for the next week.

Kaoru: ...you cook? Wow. I haven't cooked something without burning it since...I don't think I've ever made edible food.

Kenshin: What do you eat, then?

Kaoru: TV dinners, Lean Cuisine, etc. Take-out...I love take-out...

Kenshin: You live off processed god-knows-what? Your cooking must really suck.

Kaoru: Uh, yeah. No one will eat it. Not even me.

--

**From: bridalshower363 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Wednesday 2/18/09 5:06 pm EST**

**Subject: Wedding Date**

Have you gotten a date for the wedding yet? No? Well, don't worry too much. I know it's always hard for you to talk to guys...surprising, since you practically are one! I invited so many guests, and they are all fabulous- well, except for a few people who I had to invite for family reasons. You know how my mother can be. I tried to work my boss into coming, too, but he just sort of blew me off...shame, he's so...mysterious. And a total workaholic...LOL. So, you can come early and help carry stuff for me. Wouldn't want a break a nail, after all!

Madonna

--

**From: fishbone99(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Thursday 2/19/09 7:02 pm EST**

**Subject: Friday**

Meg set you up on a blind date Friday. Unless you have an "important and inescapable engagement", it's Friday, seven-thirty, that restaurant on the corner near the pizza place.

--

**From: bakadeshi666(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: fishbone99(atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Thursday 2/19/09 8:55 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: Friday**

I have to go to a wedding. No.

--

**From: bokkenprincess44(atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bridalshower363 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Thursday 2/19/09 3:09 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: Wedding Date**

...I see your IQ still remains at a sub-bacterium level. Oh, well. Yes, I will show up early and carry stuff, since your weak, helpess, useless self couldn't lift a tissue if your life depended on it.

Kaoru

--

"What a waste of a Friday." Kaoru complained quietly. She lingered in the corner of the church, watching her cousin Madonna fawn all over her husband and any other unlucky male that came within arm's reach. Her husband did not notice, probably because he was busy daydreaming/gaping at his wife's scandalous dress. Either or.

Sighing, she smoothed her pants and walked towards the table where the drinks and snacks were being served. Without anyone to dance with, she had little to do but watch and eat. But there was nothing even remotely appetizing on the table- just yucky French things- so she turned to return to the safety of her corner.

And Kaoru, being herself and thus unlucky, crashed into the nearest person.

A short, red-haired person.

--


	3. Chapter 3

Thanks for all the feedback

_Part III_

"Oh, sorry." Kaoru said, shrugging past the person she'd bumped into and leaning against the wall. Hopefully Madonna wouldn't notice her until much, much later. Or, better yet, not at all.

Meanwhile, the person she'd crashed into looked around for the nearest exit. Why had he turned down Sano's offer of a blind date again? Oh, right, the last time had ended up with him almost having his fingers amputated. Long story behind that. He spotted a propped-open door and edged subtlety towards it. Damn that stupid hair that attracted people staring at him...thirty feet and he could go home and do...stuff...

"Boss! Boss! Hey, sweetheart, this is the man I work for. Boss this is my husband..." Kenshin absently tuned her out, nodding whenever she paused. Whatever happened to the good old days when he could sneak in and out in the dark of night, without people hanging all over him? Today would be the day he got nostalgic for wartime. Twenty feet...fifteen...

--

**From: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Saturday 2/21/09 4:07 am EST**

**Subject: Don't tell Misao.**

I have a date. Like a date-date, with flowers and stuff. Some poor friend of my cousin's husband, who is actually quite nice excluding his appalling taste in women, stated talking to me. Somehow I gave him my number and he called me.

If you tell Misao, I'll kill myself. Or her. Or you. Or the mailman.

We're going to a really nice restaurant- so nice even I've heard of it. Except I realize, typing this, I will need –shudder- a dress. And I don't really have one. Problematic...who do I go to for dress advice? Damn, I'll have to chat with Misao or Megumi after all. Or just wear pants. And a nice blouse...I can totally do that...who am I kidding?

My cousin's wedding dress looked freakishly like her cake. Am I the only one who noticed this? It was poofy and layered and pink and...eww. Icky. But the cake was good, and the dinner...well, it makes my Lean Cuisine look unappetizing, let me put it that way.

Kaoru

--

**From: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Saturday 2/21/09 7:27 pm EST**

**Subject: None**

You must really be worried about this if you're awake at four in the morning and coherent enough to email me. As long as it's nice, I don't see why it matters what you wear. Everything makes Lean Cuisine unappetizing, because anything that has t be only reheated to be eaten cannot be natural. You can't even make a sandwich?

Most people don't compare the bride to dessert, Kaoru. You must have really wanted that cake. Speaking of cake, I have cookies in the oven...and I don't even like oatmeal raisin. Why did I bake them? To have an excuse to not go out and watch a friend get horribly drunk. The prices we pay for not enabling our friend's bad habits...

Kenshin

--

**From: bridalshower363 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Monday 2/23/09 8:30 am EST**

**Subject: Resigning**

I'm quitting because my husband's filthy rich! Whoo-hoo!

--

**From: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bridalshower363 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Monday 2/23/09 1:34 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: Resigning**

You still have to fill out paperwork to resign, Madonna. I sent you the forms.

--

**From: bridalshower363 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Tuesday 2/24/09 8:30 am EST**

**Subject: Not resigning**

I'm not quitting because my husband won't give me a credit card with no limit!

--

**From: bridalshower363shusband (atmarkodotcom) **

**To: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Tuesday 2/24/09 9:47 am EST**

**Subject: Wife's job.**

My wife is pregnant and needs maternity leave. She will send you a temporary replacement for the nine months she'll be gone.

--

**From: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bridalshower363shusband (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Tuesday 2/24/09 11:03 am EST**

**Subject: Re: Wife's job.**

I don't want a replacement. In fact, your wife's being fired.

--

_Kaoru has entered the chat room._

_Misao has entered the chat room._

_Megumi has entered the chat room._

_Madonna Marry has entered the chat room._

Kaoru: Misao? Megumi? I need your help!

Misao: For what? Is it boys?

Megumi: With Kaoru it's always boys.

Kaoru: I have a date and I need to go dress shopping. No, Misao. No, Misao. No, Megumi. Okay, shoot.

Misao:...that answered all my questions.

Madonna Marry: OMG my husband is mean

Kaoru: What did he do?

Madonna Marry: he wont give me no credit card

Misao:...maybe he's being smart with his money?

Madonna Marry: an my boss trid to fire me but I cry a lot and he didnt

Megumi: So you didn't get fired?

Madonna Marry: just materty leave an im drunkish cowroo will you be the temp plse?

Kaoru: I have a job already, remember? Tutoring super-rich people's kids? You wouldn't believe what my base fee is.

Madonna Marry: pleese

Kaoru: I'll think about it. Why don't you go to bed?

Madonna Marry: bye

_Madonna Marry has left the chat room._

Megumi: Bizarre.

Misao: I feel bad for her. Sort of.

Kaoru: I could take up her job for nine months...or at least a week while she got someone else to do it. I'll call her when she's sober.

Misao: That's a song! That is so a song!

Megumi: I have to go, my boyfriend is home. Bye.

_Megumi has left the chat room._

Kaoru: It's late- I'd better turn in so I can take Madonna's insane early-morning call tomorrow.

Misao: Bye!

_Misao has left the chat room._

_Kaoru has left the chat room. _

--

In fairness, it really wasn't Richard's fault. How was he to know she really, really hated duck anything?

Well, he could have let her order for herself, and he didn't have to be quite so overbearing. It was the first date, she could give him the benefit of the...yeah, right.

She was thoroughly miserable, and praying this would all be over soon. That was when it happened.

"Everybody stand up, hands where I can see them! This is a robbery, do ya hear? A freakin' robbery!"

Oh, great. This was so not what she had in mind when she thought of a date.

--

**From: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: weasellyweaselgirl99 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Wednesday 2/25/09 5:47 pm EST**

**Subject: Tuesday Night Date**

The guy turned out to be a control-freak idiot who talked about his stamp collection for two hours and ordered duck for me. Halleluiah. Then the restaurant was robbed- held up by a bunch of teenagers with bad hair. I tripped one of them, grabbed his gun, and punched another one. Then the police showed up. They gave me an award. For bravery.

The guy sucked.

Misao, no, I didn't wear a dress. I wore pants. It was all Kenshin's idea, so blame him. Don't tell me to be accepting- a guy who finds that much joy out of postage stamps could not date me. He was all starry-eyed over them! I mean, what does a girl have to do to get some attention around here? Geez!

Kenshin, your advice on the clothing thing worked. I wasn't fiddling with my dress all evening, at least. Plus I could trip someone without it being too noticeable. What did you do with those cookies, anyways? Give them to your neighbors? Donate them to a charity bake sale? Make yourself eat them?

Kaoru

--

**From: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bridalshower363 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Wednesday 2/25/09 6:28 pm EST**

**Subject: Temp Job**

I've thought about and decided I can maybe cover you for ONE WEEK maximum, assuming you tell me exactly why you need a temp, why your boss can't hire his own, yadda, yadda, yadda. Okay? Okay. I knew I would win this argument.

Kaoru

--

**From: bridalshower363 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Thursday 2/26/09 3:45 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: Temp Job**

Boss's email address is bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)

Madonna

--

**From: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bridalshower363 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Thursday 2/26/09 6:48 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: Re: Temp Job**

...say what?

--


	4. Chapter 4

Thanks for all the feedback

_Part IV_

**From: bridalshower363 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Friday 2/27/09 4:36 pm EST**

**Subject: Weird!!**

Did you sleep with my boss at the wedding? Naughty Kaoru! I was going to do that!

Madonna

--

**From: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bridalshower363 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Friday 2/27/09 7:35 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: Weird!!**

Excuse me? No, I didn't sleep with him? I didn't even realize he was at the wedding! Eww! You just got married, Madonna, what is wrong with you? At least wait til after the wedding for God's sake. Your boss is my e-pal, or something similar. Does he know you planned to sleep with him? Should I tell him?

Kaoru

--

**From: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Friday 2/27/09 7:23 pm EST**

**Subject: Fwd: Weird**

_Did you sleep with my boss at the wedding? Naughty Kaoru! I was going to do that!_

_Madonna_

Tell you didn't sleep with my cousin. Please. Otherwise I will be horribly scarred for life.

Kaoru

--

**From: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Saturday 2/28/09 3:45 pm EST**

**Subject: None**

I didn't know Madonna was your cousin...nor did I want to know you were related to...her. I hired her as a favor to a friend who owed her fiancée a favor, and discovered why I haven't ever had a secretary beforehand. She was only mostly useless, although she did keep my friends amused when they stopped by for lunch. I've been trying to fire her, but she keeps crying and crying and crying. Does this job mean that much to her?

Were you at Madonna's wedding? I was there.

Kenshin

--

**From: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Sunday 3/1/09 4:56 pm EST**

**Subject: None**

Yes, I was there. In fact, I think I ran right into you and didn't know who you were. See, if you had just sent the picture...Madonna just likes to have her way. She's gotten everything in life by being pretty or pathetic, and she figures if she cries you'll give in. I prefer to get things through my own merit, but whatever. Is it obvious I don't like her? Maybe it's because we're actually cousins by marriage...

You slept with her, didn't you? You never said you didn't in your email!

Kaoru

--

**From: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Monday 3/2/09 7:45 am EST**

**Subject: No**

No. It was implied. That was you? I told you, I have no pictures of myself. I'm going to fire Madonna, and not care if she cries.

Okay, I'm going to call when I know she's not home and leave a message, then lock my office door and not take her calls. But I'm still firing her. I figured out you were cousins by marriage by the fact she was blonde.

The internet at this café is awful, but my computer died a horrible death via Sano's coffee so I have to use it.

Kenshin

--

**From: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Monday 3/2/09 3:00 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: No**

Why aren't you at work on a Monday? Sano as in Sanosuke Sagara?

Please say you don't know him or else I can never, ever have contact with you again.

Kaoru

--

**From: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Tuesday 3/3/09 5:45 pm EST**

**Subject: Re: Re: No**

I've known Sanosuke Sagara for...five years, maybe longer. After I beat him up during a bar fight. I wasn't at work because my office is being remodeled, against my will. I was working from home, but my computer is shot, so I ended up at the café.

Some reason I shouldn't know Sano?

Kenshin

--

**From: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bakadeshi666 (atmarkodotcom) **

**Date: Wednesday 3/4/09 8:34 pm EST**

**Subject: This is a bit embarrassing...**

You're the guy who beat him up?

He's been trying to convince me to let him set us up for the past two years. Don't tell him that you know me; he'll laugh, and lord it over me forever.

Kaoru

--

**From: fishbone99 (atmarkodotcom)**

**To: bokkenprincess44 (atmarkodotcom)**

**Date: Thursday 3/5/09 5:58 pm EST**

**Subject: Kenshin**

Meg will drop you off for dinner on Friday. Wear something date-ish.

Sano

PS: I told you that you two were compatible! HAHAHAHA!

--

She would kill Sano. Slowly and carefully. Even if the whole forced-date thing worked out: in fact, especially if the whole date thing worked out. If he gloated one more time...there would be pain. Oh, there would be pain. Inwardly, she laughed evilly.

"Kaoru, get that weird smirk off your face! You'll scare the poor guy off." Misao had decided to help Megumi. Oh, joy.

"And I let the guy you were dating know it was over." Megumi added.

"Thanks, guys. Your desire to do what is best for me, instead of what you want to do to me is so apparent."

"Close the window, Kaoru; you'll mess up your hair." Misao ignored her and continued to talk to Megumi. They pulled up into a small parking lot, illuminated by several lampposts. The sounds of yelling drifted in through the open window.

"Give me my keys, Sano."

"After the date."

"Give me my keys or I will hurt you."

"Yeah, sur-dammit, stop putting me in a headlock every time I annoy you!"

"Stop annoying me then. Now give me back my keys or I'm going to wait here until Megumi gets here. And let her take pictures."

Kaoru hurried out of the car to see what was going on. Megumi, hearing her name, followed her after locking the car, and Misao, distracted, ran after them.

"Hey! Wait! What are you- what the heck?"

There a short, red-headed person who Kaoru recognized form Madonna's wedding there. And he had Sano, who was at least a foot taller, in a freaking headlock.

Immediately, all three girls starting taking pictures.

"Stop it! Here, take the keys and let me go!" Kenshin picked up the fallen keys and dropped Sano, who fell flat on his face.

"Sorry." He said, unrepentant.

Kaoru walked over to him. She couldn't help but smile, looking at Sano sprawled across the ground. "How did you do that? How did you even reach his head?"

"You're Kaoru, right? I kicked him first."

"I can't put Sano into a headlock. I'm impressed."

"You guys! Come on, they'll take away out reservations." Misao whined. "Stop beating on each other!"

"'Our' reservations?" Kaoru asked suspiciously. She really hoped it didn't mean what she thought it meant.

"We'll be watching." Megumi said creepily.

"Kenshin, which car is yours?"

'The red one over there."

"Great. Run for it!"

There was stunned silence as Misao, Megumi, and Sano saw the two get into Kenshin's car and drive away as fast as they could.

"Damn, Kaoru's going to kill me." Sano cursed. "Kenshin's driving sucks."

--

"Um...where are we?"

"I don't know."

"Have you just been randomly taking turns for the last ten minutes?"

"I didn't know where we were going."

"So we went nowhere at all. Fantastic. Now what?"

"There's a restaurant over there. We can go eat."

"You're actually taking me on a date? Seriously?"

"Where did you think I was taking you?"

"Home, moron. Where else?"

"I didn't know where you lived until Sano told me."

"Sano told you where I lived? That's...never mind, I don't want to know why he told you that."

"Are we going?"

"I'm hungry, why not."

--

"Why do you work so much?"

Kenshin looked up form his steak and blinked. Kaoru flushed.

"Was that too personal a question?"

"No, I was just surprised you asked. It started when Tomoe...my wife...died."

"Ten years ago...how old are you?"

"Twenty-five." He paused to observe her reaction. She was definitely surprised. "I was fifteen when I met Tomoe in the Hallmark store. She was buying a birthday card for her little brother, and I was getting out of the snow. She had a lot of groceries in her hands, and she was on foot. I walked her home. Two months later, we were married."

"Wow. How old was she?"

"Eighteen. She was killed six months later in an...accident."

Kaoru sensed the lie in his words, but didn't ask. She knew some things were better left untold.

"I started devoting all my time to my schoolwork. Then I got into college, found out an old mentor was giving me his company, and threw myself into college. Then I did the same with my work...it just became a habit."

"Um." She let the words sink in. "What do you do, exactly?"

"Security consulting firm."

"You're lying." She said immediately.

"Yes, I am."

"And..."

"And I'm lying because I don't want you to know the truth."

"I was kidding when I said you wee lying, you know. Now I won't tell you what I do."

"Sano told me you were a teacher."

"I'm really going to have to kill him- not only did he gloat in my face, now he's telling you all about my life without my permission. If you become a stalker, I will so blame him."

"What is it with you and stalkers?"

"I had some issues in high school. I teach English and History to teenagers...why is that woman waving at you?"

"That is Tokio Takagi, and she's waving at me because she wants to talk to me."

"So talk to her."

"If it was important she'd call me."

"But you're right here."

"I'm busy."

"I...am not flattered." She frowned, reaching into her purse. "But my phone is ringing, because Misao is calling me. Oh, snap. Hello?"

"KAORU! Where are you? I went to your house and you are not there!"

"I try not to have first dates at my house, Misao. I will not tell you where I am. Don't call me again unless people are dying or stuff is on fire."

"But Kaoru! I need to know how your date is going! Otherwise you'll elope without telling me!"

"I am not going to elope, Misao!" Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Kenshin laughing. Scowling, she hung up. "You're in a good mood."

"Who are you eloping with?"

"Apparently, you. I try to avoid getting married until I know their last names."

"It's Himura."

"Kamiya. Anyways, Misao's logic is inherently illogical and you shouldn't listen to her."

"Why did you ask me why I worked so much?"

"You mentioned it to me first. I was just curious as to why."

"You are the first person to ever ask that on a date."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Good. When did you meet Sano?"

"I don't remember. It was when we were really little."

"Did he still look like a chicken?"

"He's always looked like a chicken. I used to put feathers in his hair."

"Where did you get the feathers?"

"Pillows. I'd steal his pillow, cut a hole in it, and yank out the feathers. He used to get so mad."

"I can imag-" He pulled his phone out of a pocket. It was Sano. "Speak of the devil. Himura."

"Kenshin, where the heck did you take Kaoru?"

"I don't know."

"What?"

"I don't know where I left her."

Kaoru snickered, imagining Sano's expression.

"Left her? Are you jerking around with me?"

"No."

"Dammit! Let me talk to her!"

"If I find her, I'll have her call you." Sano hung up on him, and Kaoru giggled.

"He's going to kill you later."

"He owes me money."

--

"Megumi, I think they're back." Misao said for the twentieth time. After the eighth, Megumi had stopped following her into the house and waited in the car. But now there was a light in the living room window.

"They must have used the back door." She said. "Shall we join them?"

"Why not?" Misao pulled out her spare key and opened Kaoru's front door. The living room was empty, and there was a pink Post-it note stuck to the coffee table.

_Went to Kenshin's place for tea._

_-Kaoru_

"Figures." Misao rolled her eyes and drew her phone. "Sano? Where dos Kenshin live?"

"Apartment building a block from his office."

"Good, give us your keys."

"I don't have any. Kenshin said he didn't trust me."

--

She was asleep on his couch, and he couldn't figure out how she'd managed to fall asleep in the thirty seconds it had taken for him to take their mugs into the kitchen. She was curled up on her side, her head on her arms, and he automatically reached for a blanket sitting draped over the back of the couch.

Someone was knocking on the door, and he was positive he knew who it was. They were bound to find them eventually.

"Come in." Sano came in, with the two girls close behind. "She's asleep."

"Asleep?" Misao poked her; Kaoru didn't even twitch. "Do you want to keep her, or can we take her home?"

"Leave her; she might wake up if you move her. All the running away made her tired."

They left, whispering and making plans to come eavesdrop in the morning. He sat down on the end of the couch, where her bare feet were sticking out. She looked peaceful, innocent.

He wondered if he ever looked like that when he slept...when he slept at all.

--

Kaoru was not a morning person. Some days she wasn't even an afternoon person. When she first awoke, she didn't move, just lay there. Then she rolled over and found her arm hanging off of her bed.

Wait a minute, her bed wasn't that small. She realized she was on a sofa. Her sofa? No, it wasn't her sofa, it felt wrong. It was wrong. Where was she, then?

"Kaoru?" Kenshin. Why was he here?

"Why are you here?" She asked sleepily.

"I live here." Oh, right, she'd been at his house. Yawning, she turned over, meaning to go back to sleep. Then it hit her.

"Wait, why am I here?"

"You fell asleep."

"Oh." She blinked. "Is there food?"

"I made pancakes." He motioned to the table, where there was a stack of pancakes and a bottle of real maple syrup.

"Yay." She yawned again.

It was a good day.

--

**Okay, just to make things perfectly clear, THIS IS THE RAW, UNEDITED, UNFINISHED CHAPTER. This is one possible ending, but I will probably change. I am merely posting this to see what people think- this chapter is forced in some places and downright awful in others. Criticism desired in order to improve this monstrosity.**

**Much love, chickentyrant5.**


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